I am learning how to let go. A lot of changes occurred at the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020. I am still adjusting to it all. Here is a just a few stories of how I am learning to let go.
The first big change for our family occurred on August 25, 2019. Move in day for Elizabeth. My first born was starting college. I am not sure how and when that occurred. One minute she is 5 and starting Kindergarten and then the next minute she is 18 and graduating high school. In the blink of an eye she grew up. I know that is very cliche’, but it is so true. Move in day was a roller coaster of a day. I think I experienced every emotion that day. It started off with nerves and anxiety. It was just Elizabeth and I that day. Keith had to work and Evan had school. So that meant I had to drive. As you all may or may not know, I am not a big fan of driving. When we arrived to IUP Punxsutwaney I let out a huge sigh of relief. We made it. Now let the fun begin of unpacking and setting up her dorm room. I literally shed blood, sweat and tears in that room. It was the end of August and her dorm room did not have air conditioning. Not to mention the countless trips we made to and from the car to her dorm. And I swear we literally had a ton of totes and boxes to unpack. The first thing we put together was the fan! I cut my finger putting together a lamp. I cried tears of exhausation, tears of sadness and tears of joy.
That day was one of the hardest days of my life. I had to let my baby girl spread her wings and fly. It felt so odd and hurt so bad to leave her in that room all by herself. I promised a friend I would not cry in front of Elizabeth. She said you need to be strong for Elizabeth. I did my best not to cry but I will admit one lonely tear managed to roll down my cheek. I gave her one last hug and quickly walked out of the room. I knew if I walked slowly, I might turn back and pack everything back up and take her home. Plus I knew that tear wasn’t going to be lonely for long. I held back the tears until I got to the car. I turned the car on sat there for a few minutes to compose myself. I then turned the radio up and pulled away. I sang along with radio and cried the whole way home. Thank goodness no one else was in the car because if they were they would probably need ear plugs. I can guarantee you, there will not be any record producers knocking on m door any time soon.
Even though that day was an extremely hard day, it was also a great day. Elizabeth and I got to spend whole day together. Just the two of us. I was also extremely proud of the young lady Elizabeth was becoming right in front of my eyes. I cannot express in words what it feels like to watch one of your children follow their dreams. I had to let go, so she could soar. Not easy but necessary. God has great plans for that girl.
The next lesson of letting go occurred on September 6, 2019. My last day at the YMCA. If you would have told me about 6 years ago I would not be retiring from the YMCA, I would have laughed in your face. When I started at the YMCA as a personal trainer I had big plans of becoming a manager/director of the YMCA and retiring from there. Fitness and healthy living was extremely important to me and I was getting paid to share that love with others. At that time, I believed this how God wanted me lift others up. By showing them how to eat better and how to workout properly. It felt great to see and help others achieve their fitness and wellness goals.
I worked my butt off at the YMCA and I loved every minute of it. I quickly worked my way up the management ladder. I first became the manager of the front desk staff. Then about a year later I became the Director of Healthy Aging and Disease Prevention. I achieved what I set out to do. Shortly after I became Director I realized I was not growing anymore in my job or as a person spiritually and mentally. I was comfortable and stagnant. I needed to grow. I said countless prayers to God to show me how to grow as person and in my faith. and in my career.
It quickly became aware to me, it was time to leave the YMCA. I achieved everything He set out for me to achieve at the YMCA. It was time to let of go of my career in the fitness field and move on to the next adventure. The only way to grow, is to get out of your comfort zone. The YMCA was definitely my comfort zone. I think I spent more time at the YMCA than I did at my own house. My co-workers and staff were like family to me. How do you leave a job that you worked so hard to achieve?!? But I needed to leave. God had other plans for me. I was burnt out with the fitness world. My family and I also needed a job where I could work steadier hours. I needed a regular schedule that was Monday through Friday.
So I did, what I knew best. I prayed. I prayed long and hard that God would let me know it was ok to leave the YMCA. God answered my prayer. He sent me another job with Monday through Friday 9am-5 pm schedule. I was going to be the administrative assistant for a local insurance company. I couldn’t wait to start my new job. However it was very difficult to say good by to all those at the YMCA and let go of job I worked so hard to get. But once again letting go was necessary. If I was going to grow, I had to let go and move on to the next adventure.
I couldn’t be happier in my new job. My bosses and co-workers made me feel so welcome. I also love what I am doing at the insurance company. There is a ton a growth opportunity for me at this company. I cannot wait to see all of the goals I achieve and all the people I help with their insurance needs. The future is looking bright for me. Not to mention I now I have more free time write my blog and volunteer for my church.
The last story of letting go for today occurred on January 25th. This was the day my baby received his black belt. It was on this day I realized my baby was not a baby anymore. He is almost a teenager actually. That is so hard to believe. He is growing up so fast. Where is that pause button on life when you need it ?!?
To receive your black belt takes a lot of dedication, practice, time and effort. I am so proud of all the accomplishments Evan already achieved. Every class and every belt test Evan would give it his all. There is a lot to learn in Tang Soo Do. Not only is it physical test of strength and endurance but it is also a mental test as well. You have to know Korean terminology. You also have to know and remember multiple forms and a lot self defense techniques.
Even though Evan received his black belt, this does not mean his learning is over. In fact it is just beginning. There is so much more for him to learn and do in Tang Soo Do. When Evan received his black belt you could have pushed him over with a feather. He was so happy and so proud of himself. He was on cloud nine. And so was I. I watching my baby grow up. I was watching my baby achieve great things in life and he wasn’t even a teenager yet. Once again I had to let go of the thought of trying to keep my baby a baby forever.
Letting go is a necessary step in the growth process. No one ever grows by standing still and remaining in their comfort zone. You can not move onto the future while you are holding on to the past. I miss the times when my kids were little. That time seemed so short and seemed to go by so quickly. However watching them both achieve great things in life is even better. Watching them follow the path God has created for them and put them on is awesome. God never promised this journey we like to call life would be easy but He did promise it would be great and He would be there every step of the way. You cannot appreciate the warmth of summer if never experience the cold of winter. Each season is necessary and beautiful it in its own right. So enjoy every moment and every season of life you have on this big beautiful planet. Letting go is good. It means God has bigger plans for you.
Live, Love, & Shine With Shannon 