When the COVID 19 pandemic hit, I thought it was no big deal. It would be just be a minor pause of our daily routine. After two weeks of staying home and self isolating everything would go back to normal. Like most, I have never experienced a pandemic. However, I have overcome many hurtles in life. At the start of the pandemic, I believed those events would have strengthened me enough to see me through it. Dealing with all the hardships in my past I thought I would be stronger emotionally to handle anything in the future. When I was young teenager I lost two very important role models in my life approximately nine months apart. Growing up, my grandparents were my world. I went to them for everything. I spent most weekends at their house. Losing them both so close together in time shattered my world. I then became a mother at 17. Shortly after I had my daughter, when I was learning what it takes to be a young mother, September 11th occurred. The world, as I knew it, changed in a blink of an eye. I remember thinking what kind of world was my daughter going to grow up in. Later on , I lost a cousin in a car accident. He just became a dad and he had his whole life a head of him. Few years after that I lost another cousin tragically. He was so full of life and then suddenly gone. Losing family members after they lived a full, love-filled, long life is one thing, but when you lose a family member that his life has been drastically cut short is quite another. As I said, I believed these events as well a few others not mentioned would prepare me enough to face the pandemic head on. I was not worried in the slightest about a simple virus.
I tried to remain positive. I prayed every day for a cure and for the pandemic to end. I lifted all my concerns and cares to Jesus. I posted only good messages on Facebook. I was going to be the one that carried my family and friends through this crazy time. I was going to be their rock. I had Jesus in my corner and I was more than prepared to overcome this minor hurtle. As the days wore on, my strength started to fade. Some days were hard. But I always tried to find something positive in every day. The good days were still out numbering the bad. The photography class I had planned to take in April, I postponed until May. The blog post I wrote, I would just post later when the timing seemed better. I wasn’t canceling or stopping anything, I was merely postponing them. Everything was still going according to plan, just at a slower pace.
Then the days of being at home and not going anywhere were turning into weeks. The light at the end of the tunnel seemed to be getting further away. The bad days started to out number the good days. I was doing everything you should not do during a pandemic. I read everything on COVID 19. I watched the daily news broadcast from Pennsylvania’s health department. Almost every day I cried at least once. I lost my temper on my loved ones for stupid things I normally wouldn’t flip out over. I bleached everything. I washed my hands thirty thousand times every day. If something could not be washed, it was sprayed dramatically with Lysol. For once I was happy that it was raining almost every day because I didn’t want to go outside. I definitely did not want to go out in public with all those germ carriers. I gave up on taking that photography class. What would be the point in taking a photography class on nature, if I was never leaving my house. I deleted the blog post I had written. My creativity was squashed. I usually have multiple blog post ideas running through my head every day. However during those days, I had a hard time putting my thoughts and feelings into words. I was allowing myself to become a victim of my circumstances.
I am not sure exactly when or how it occurred, but one day I just had enough. I had enough of not living my life. I had enough of being afraid. I had enough washing my hands after every time I touched something somebody else recently touched. I had enough of the same old news broadcast. I had enough of the negativity. It was time to get back living. It was time to lift all my troubles to God. He is the only one that can get us through this crazy time. It was time to work on accomplishing the goals I set. That day, I dusted off my camera and computer and I got to work. I was not going to let a little virus stop me from living the life I want to live. This crazy pandemic may have slowed me down a bit but definitely will not stop me completely .
Live, Love, & Shine With Shannon 